Voice part has improved quite a bit, less faltering, just needs work to get it to hit the right notes

Not so fussed on the overdriven guitar... just seems like it belongs in a rock song not a ballad.

Sounds like an eels song, but you need to just have a cleaner singer no offense Will fairly normalish lyrics (to be expected... for this type of song ) the guitar needs working on I think, seems a bit.. er bitty but I think your more of a writer than a performer.

Also you finish with an imperfect cadence yet about 10 seconds before it you pause after a perfect cadence...

Songs are really meant to sound better with perfect cadence at the end unless your going for something completely abstract.

you can go perfect-imperfect-perfect to build up to an ending though

I know what you mean about the ending, dont know quite what I was doing there.  I do think it goes on a little long, so might decide to cut that off and fade out from the other bit.

I like the overdriven guitar in the song personally, it was exactly the feel I wanted for the song.

Anyway, Ill leave this song for another day now.

Time to move on and start another, hopefully Ill have done another by the end of the week now and Ill upload when Im happy with it.

Thanks for all your comments, much appreciated.

Not bad Will, in fact I barely recognised the voice at first, I thought "that cant be" but Im quite surprised how good it is. I was expecting something very amateur; keep it up is what Im saying

One point though, please get rid of that nasty AMR file a record it in good quality, you nearly killed my ears and my Etys

Thanks Nige!

Listen to the MP4, Ive already re-recorded the song  Link on first page.

Im currently writing a funky sort of song with a jazz edged solo, hopefully Ill have recorded a decent solo by the weekend.  Done 6 recordings, got lots of good bits in each, but all of them are seriously flawed

Thats much better, although if anything the vocals are a touch drowned out, it sounds like it could do with a touch of treble. That could just be because Ive been listening to Jack Johnson for an hour though :-)

Vocally, to me at least, it sounds like theres a bit of Gallagher creeping in :mrgreen:

Youre bang on with the first comment!

Anyway, I cant resist....

Heres my first attempt at funk

http://rapidshare.de/files/19481430/Funky_Song.mp4.html

Notes: Needs drums and bass, and needs the volume raising

LOL!!  Listening to it now, loving my bend at 1:13, then I play some crazy lick at 1:24

The more I listen to that the more the rhythm reminds me of Knight Rider :mrgreen:

LOL

you need a band

Walrusbonzo as a singer, still hard to picture. I hope When i come over or something you dont start singing  

Anywhere, there is pleanty of people out there who are pritty nifty with music, check this guy out:
Many find some music stick it to their videos but actually singing, is class

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqO7zEWu0W0&search=warcraft

Anywhere, there is pleanty of people out there who are pritty nifty with music, check this guy out:

Your point?

And have you listened to any of the tracks?