Author Topic: apparently I'm mental :-s  (Read 3003 times)

Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #15 on: October 06, 2015, 22:35:01 PM
so... you was in a shower with 4 nurses & left your boxers on?

  • Offline Pete

  • Posts: 5,150
  • Hero Member
Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #16 on: October 06, 2015, 22:44:53 PM
I know sh*ts bad right now with all that starving bullsh*t and the dust storms and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings.

  • Offline Sam

  • Posts: 3,943
  • Hero Member
Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #17 on: October 07, 2015, 01:08:30 AM
I could write about my hospital shower...

the day before I got out of hospital (I didn't know I was getting out the next day) I realised I had pretty bad B.O.

a nurse came along each day with a little dish of water to get washed in, but wtf can you do with a dish of water while you're in bed, I did my best but it wasn't great

in bed with nothing to do... I had a brainwave and asked the nurse if they had a disabled shower with a seat in it, I could get out of bed and walk a bit, just couldn't go far or stand still for long (balance messed up)

so a nurse helped me out of bed and held my arm while I walked to the shower, the shower was in a little wet room with a fold down seat, perfect for me I sat on the seat.   nurse offered to help me get my boxers off but I'd already thought of that and left them on, figuring I could just put a clean/dry pair on when I was done instead of flashing the nurses

sitting quite happy on the little seat, nurse goes out of the room, I'm looking at the controls and getting settled when I started to feel a bit rough... sat there for about a min and realised something was wrong so pulled the alarm string thing

next thing I know I'm on the floor with a nurse holding me head and telling me to breath slow, I'm hyperventilating like crazy and there's about 4 nurses in the shower with me, takes me a min to breath properly and work out whats going on, realise I'd passed out on the seat and hit the floor

feel fine, just shaken up, no big deal no real damage done, a nurse comes in with a wheelchair... but it's not a proper wheel chair, its like some sort of toiler chair with a cardboard bowl where your arse goes

and then the smell hit me, it stinks of sh*t, wtf are they doing, why have they got me a smelly sh*t chair ?

still a bit groggy so don't really think about it, they help me up and I sit in the chair

then I look where I was on the floor... there was sh*t EVERYWHERE... I'd sh*t myself, and spread it around... I look at the plastic bad on my right hand (to stop broken wrist plaster getting wet) and it's covered in sh*t too, shower is like some sh*t cave painting made out of sh*t.   the smell wasn't the chair, it was me

wheel chair back to my room anf there's already a plastic sheet on my bed, they try to help me but embarrassed as hell I tell them I'm fine

5 min later a male nurse comes in, I've got a packet of wet wipes but they're not doing anything, my right wrist is broken and my left arm doesen;t work properly there's a pair of sh*t covered boxers and a pile of sh*t covered wet wipes on the floor.  he took me off to a different shower and had to help me shower... I did my own balls but he had to do everything else

I decided to never tell anyone about that... but I've told practically everyone I know

f**k me I just had a hernia laughing at that

  • Offline soopahfly

  • Posts: 5,808
  • Hero Member
  • Bi-Winning
Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #18 on: October 07, 2015, 11:29:19 AM
Might as well write a book as matt says, would be a good seller i bet.

The Tripe Diaries

Fifty Shades of Pain
XBL Gamertag : Soopahfly82 :: PSN : Soopahfly82 :: Steam : soopahfly
:: Intel i5 4570 :: Gigabyte GA-H87M-HD3 :: 16Gb Corsair Venegance :: Radeon R9 290 :: Samsung EVO 250GB SSD :: 2x 2TB WD Black :: Corsair CX750M :: Coolermaster HAF XB ::

Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #19 on: May 18, 2016, 11:31:51 AM
I could write about my hospital shower...

the day before I got out of hospital (I didn't know I was getting out the next day) I realised I had pretty bad B.O.

a nurse came along each day with a little dish of water to get washed in, but wtf can you do with a dish of water while you're in bed, I did my best but it wasn't great

in bed with nothing to do... I had a brainwave and asked the nurse if they had a disabled shower with a seat in it, I could get out of bed and walk a bit, just couldn't go far or stand still for long (balance messed up)

so a nurse helped me out of bed and held my arm while I walked to the shower, the shower was in a little wet room with a fold down seat, perfect for me I sat on the seat.   nurse offered to help me get my boxers off but I'd already thought of that and left them on, figuring I could just put a clean/dry pair on when I was done instead of flashing the nurses

sitting quite happy on the little seat, nurse goes out of the room, I'm looking at the controls and getting settled when I started to feel a bit rough... sat there for about a min and realised something was wrong so pulled the alarm string thing

next thing I know I'm on the floor with a nurse holding me head and telling me to breath slow, I'm hyperventilating like crazy and there's about 4 nurses in the shower with me, takes me a min to breath properly and work out whats going on, realise I'd passed out on the seat and hit the floor

feel fine, just shaken up, no big deal no real damage done, a nurse comes in with a wheelchair... but it's not a proper wheel chair, its like some sort of toiler chair with a cardboard bowl where your arse goes

and then the smell hit me, it stinks of sh*t, wtf are they doing, why have they got me a smelly sh*t chair ?

still a bit groggy so don't really think about it, they help me up and I sit in the chair

then I look where I was on the floor... there was sh*t EVERYWHERE... I'd sh*t myself, and spread it around... I look at the plastic bad on my right hand (to stop broken wrist plaster getting wet) and it's covered in sh*t too, shower is like some sh*t cave painting made out of sh*t.   the smell wasn't the chair, it was me

wheel chair back to my room anf there's already a plastic sheet on my bed, they try to help me but embarrassed as hell I tell them I'm fine

5 min later a male nurse comes in, I've got a packet of wet wipes but they're not doing anything, my right wrist is broken and my left arm doesen;t work properly there's a pair of sh*t covered boxers and a pile of sh*t covered wet wipes on the floor.  he took me off to a different shower and had to help me shower... I did my own balls but he had to do everything else

I decided to never tell anyone about that... but I've told practically everyone I know

That literally just made my day!
Last Edit: May 18, 2016, 11:50:57 AM by *she-devil* #187;

  • Offline matt5cott

  • Posts: 3,088
  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • I had a wheelbarrow, the wheel fell off.
Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #20 on: August 16, 2017, 11:30:09 AM
I have to bump this, get your book sorted, now that you're famous for having 39 points and all :lol:
I write 'amusement' for chasethedevil.co.uk Follow me on twitter or I'll kill you @MilkmanHero

    • Move It Fatboy
  • Offline Rivkid

  • Posts: 3,562
  • Hero Member
Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #21 on: August 16, 2017, 14:57:33 PM
I concur - nearly two years on and I still cry laughing at the Sh!t story   :rofl: :rofl:
Career, Wife, Mortgage... my sig was better when it listed guitars and PC's and stuff!

Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #22 on: August 16, 2017, 23:09:34 PM
I have to bump this, get your book sorted, now that you're famous for having 39 points and all :lol:

going with driving ones...

post head injury, but back at work (probably too soon)  I came out of work got in my car to drive home and the car didn't work... I was really confused, pressed loads of buttons etc.  I knew the buttons I was pressing made no difference (aircon, radio etc.) but kept prodding anyway anyway

it took a good few min but I finally realised I was sitting in the passenger seat.... got out and got in drivers seat and drove home




only found out a couple of weeks back (parents don't really like to talk about it and don't like to ask) in A+E the doctors told my parents I was the luckiest guy in there, people falling from a little bit higher have a 50/50 chance of surviving the fall.... but I landed on my head so much worse and seriously lucky to be alive

next day my parents had some kind of meeting with doctors/specialists etc. the day after the accident... and were told how serious my injuries were, I'd probably be in hospital for months, I had a bad brain injury, I was talking which is a good sign - but then the said something along the lines of, he's not going to be like he used to be, with injuries like this we start off talking about if he'll be able to dress himself or not in the future

that was Monday.... I got out on Friday


(I'm too sexy, it would be a crime against humanity if I was seriously messed up)
Last Edit: August 16, 2017, 23:22:00 PM by knighty #187;

Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #23 on: August 16, 2017, 23:21:12 PM
I haven't told anyone about this before, but I figured I posted the sh*t in the shower thing here so what the hell

no idea which hospital night it was, guess it was when I thought I'd been kidnapped, I remember thinking they were watching me

when I say I thought they were watching me... to me at the time... I KNEW they were watching me for sure

so I decided to put on a show for them, because f**k them!

there's not much a guy can do in bed alone to put on a show.... only one thing really

but it's not easy, when your left arm doesn't work, your right wrist is broken and in a cast, you can't move because of the broken ribs and you have a huge neck brace on

but I did it !


I'm just glad no one walked in and found half crippled me jerking off

    • Move It Fatboy
  • Offline Rivkid

  • Posts: 3,562
  • Hero Member
Re: apparently I'm mental :-s
Reply #24 on: August 17, 2017, 08:22:43 AM
I haven't told anyone about this before, but I figured I posted the sh*t in the shower thing here so what the hell

no idea which hospital night it was, guess it was when I thought I'd been kidnapped, I remember thinking they were watching me

when I say I thought they were watching me... to me at the time... I KNEW they were watching me for sure

so I decided to put on a show for them, because f**k them!

there's not much a guy can do in bed alone to put on a show.... only one thing really

but it's not easy, when your left arm doesn't work, your right wrist is broken and in a cast, you can't move because of the broken ribs and you have a huge neck brace on

but I did it !


I'm just glad no one walked in and found half crippled me jerking off


I'm dying!!  :rofl: :rofl:

I don't even want to think about who cleared it up!!
Career, Wife, Mortgage... my sig was better when it listed guitars and PC's and stuff!

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.