1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
 
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
 
3. If you dont have a sense of humor, you probably dont have any sense at all.
 
4. Money cant buy happiness -- but somehow its more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a  Yugo.
 
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when youre in deep water.
 
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
 
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can
 operate without.
 
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
 
9. Scratch a dog and youll find a permanent job.
 
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
 
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
 
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
 
13. Think about this...  No one ever says "Its only a game." when his team is winning.
 
14. Ive reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
 
15. Be careful reading the fine print. Theres no way youre going to like it.
 
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
 
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, well have thousands of OLD LADIES running around with  tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden Oldies!)
 
 
18. After a certain age, if you dont wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead