well i am starting the whole begging process of finding a placement, also i am trying to winkle information out of a company (and a free sample of their stuff for a project)

How does this sound before i fire it off?



To whom it may concern,

I am a second year Computer Aided Product Design Student currently attending Bournemouth university, I was wondering if I could have one of your samples, as I am currently working on a single shot injection mould design for a fruit juicer. This would be terribly helpful to aid me in completing my studies.

Also to add to this I am currently looking for work placements in this field, as my degree does cover design for manufacture, and this would be an excellent opportunity to contribute to your company and also learn more about the new practises you have implemented.


Thank you very much for your time.

Mr Robert Kelley


thoughts?

ok ta

 To whom it may concern,

I am a second year Computer Aided Product Design Student currently attending Bournemouth university, I was wondering if I could have one of your samples, as I am currently working on a single shot injection mould design for a fruit juicer. This would be very usefull to aid me in completing my studies.

I am also currently looking for work placements in this field, as my degree does cover design for manufacture, and this would be an excellent opportunity to contribute to your company and adapt to a working environment.


Thank you very much for your time.

Mr Robert Kelley

The grammar is better.  But I feel the letter itself is very speculative.  You should be more specific to what it is you are interested in and what you want.  You could expand a bit on introducing yourself and what you are currently doing leading to the request.

I was wondering if I could have one of your samples, as I am currently working on ....

One way of rephrasing it....

I am enquiring into the possibility of acquiring a sample of your work to aid my studies with/towards.......

How you phrase something even though its the same thing, makes a big difference when it comes to impression you are making and the formality of the request.

How big is the company? The person who does the free samples may not be the person who sorts out personel..

To whom it may concern, Itll really help ya if you get a direct contact. You can phone up or have a look on their website.

I am a second year Computer Aided Product Design Student currently attending Bournemouth University and am currently looking for a work placement in this field. This would be an excellent opportunity to contribute to your company and adapt to a working environment.

Also, I was wondering if I could have one of your samples (stool? perfume?), as I am currently working on a single shot injection mould design for a fruit juicer. This would be a very useful aid in completing my studies.

Thank you very much for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.

May the seed of your loins be fruitful in the belly of your woman.

Try not to repeat phrases, Id change the first "This would be..." sentence. Or may be change the 2nd "A flux capacitor would greatly aid this project..."