Reply #46 on: December 07, 2012, 06:30:47 AM
May be a repeat for some but I find it funny.
>
> Company Memo
>
>
> >>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: November 10, 2012RE: Gala Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on
> >>> December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the
> >>> Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have
> >>> a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And
> >>> don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
> >>> Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
> >>> employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
> >>> $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This
> >>> gathering is only for employees!Our CEO will make a special announcement
> >>> at that time!Merry Christmas to you and your family,
> >>>
> >>> Patty
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Company Memo
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> TO: All Employees
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> DATE: November 11, 2012
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> RE: Gala Holiday Party
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> >>> We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
> >>> coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
> >>> from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy
> >>> applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still
> >>> celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree and no
> >>> Christmas carols will be sung. We will have other types of music for
> >>> your enjoyment.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Happy now?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Happy Holidays to you and your family,
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Patty
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Company Memo
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> TO: All Employees
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> DATE: November 12, 2012
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> RE: Holiday Party
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> >>> requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name.. I'm happy
> >>> to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
> >>> "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
> >>> handle this?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Somebody?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
> >>> since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
> >>> executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
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> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Company Memo
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> To: All Employees
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> DATE: November 13, 2012
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> RE: Generic Holiday Party
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
> >>> the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
> >>> during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can
> >>> appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our
> >>> Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on
> >>> serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything
> >>> for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
> >>> from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest
> >>> to the restrooms.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
> >>> with Gay men, each group will have their own table.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
> >>> that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about
> >>> confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> We will have booster seats for short people.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in
> >>> the food . The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
> >>> pressure taste a bite first.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the
> >>> restaurant cannot supply "no sugar"desserts. Sorry!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Did I miss anything?!?!?
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Patty
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Company Memo
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> TO: All F*%^ing Employees
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> DATE: November 13, 2012
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> RE: The F*%^ing Holiday Party
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
> >>> party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> >>> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
> >>> quaintly put it, and you'll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including
> >>> organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They
> >>> scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
> >>> scream right NOW!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> The rest of you f*%^ing weirdos can kiss my *ss. I hope you all have a
> >>> rotten holiday!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Drive drunk and die,
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> The B*tch from H*ll!!!
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Company Memo
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> DATE: November 14, 2012
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
> >>> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.
> >>>
> >>> In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
> >>> give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> Happy Holidays!
> >>>
> >>> Joan Bishop
> >>>
>
>
>
>
> ------ End of Forwarded Message