NEW YORK-The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of
the drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to
treat chronic distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.

Pfizer executives characterized the FDAs approval as a "godsend"
for sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health
disorders.


PharmAmorin, now relieving distrust of large pharmaceutical
conglomerates in pharmacies nationwide.
"Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug
makers that is found in healthy people, such as myself," Pfizer CEO
Hank McKinnell said. "These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic
levels, and as a company dedicated to promoting the health, well-
being, and long life of our companys public image, it was
imperative that we did something to combat them."

Although many psychotropic drugs impart a generalized feeling of
well-being, PharmAmorin is the first to induce and focus intense
feelings of affection externally, toward for-profit drug makers.
Pfizer representatives say that, if taken regularly, PharmAmorin can
increase affection for and trust in its developers by as much as
96.5 percent.

"Out of a test group of 180, 172 study participants reported a
dramatic rise in their passion for pharmaceutical companies," said
Pfizer director of clinical research Suzanne Frost. "And 167 asked
their doctors about a variety of prescription medications they had
seen on TV."

Frost said a small percentage of test subjects showed an interest in
becoming lobbyists for one of the top five pharmaceutical companies,
and several browsed eBay for drug-company apparel.

PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg tablets, is
classified as a critical-thinking inhibitor, a family of drugs that
holds great promise for the estimated 20 million Americans who
suffer from Free-Thinking Disorder.

Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an aggressive, $34.6 million
print and televised ad campaign.

One TV ad, set to debut during next Sundays 60 Minutes telecast,
shows a woman relaxing in her living room and reading a newspaper
headlined "Newest Drug Company Scandal Undermines Public Trust." The
camera zooms into the tangled neural matter of her brain, revealing
a sticky black substance and a purplish gas.

The narrator says, "She may show no symptoms, but in her brain,
irrational fear and dislike of global pharmaceutical manufacturers
is overwhelming her very peace of mind."

After a brief summary of PharmAmorins benefits, the commercial
concludes with the woman flying a kite across a sunny green meadow,
the Pfizer headquarters gleaming in the background.

PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but Pfizer will soon face
competition from rival pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb.
The company is developing its own pro-pharmaceutical-company
medication, Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm feelings not
just for drug corporations in general, but solely for Bristol-Myers
Squibb.

"A PharmAmorin user could find himself gravitating toward the
products of a GlaxoSmithKline or Eli Lilly," BMS spokesman Andrew
Fike said. "This could seriously impede the patients prescription-
drug-market acceptance, or worse, Pfizers profits in the long run."

"Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and therefore far more
affordable to those on fixed incomes," Fike added.

The news of an affordable skepticism-inhibitor was welcomed by New
York physician Christine Blake-Mann, who runs a free clinic in
Spanish Harlem.

"A lot of my patients are very leery of the medical establishment,"
Blake-Mann said. "This will help them feel better about it, and save
money at the same time."

PharmAmorins side effects include nausea, upset stomach, and
ignoring the side effects of prescription drug medication.

Quote

PharmAmorin can
increase affection for and trust in its developers by as much as
96.5 percent.