Believe it or not, these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website. Obviously the
answers are a joke;  but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much youve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact
for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Lets not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of
them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
is that big country to your North...oh forget it.  Sure, the hippo
racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary.  Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.  Contact us when you get here and
well send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y,  which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races.  Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE dont stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Can you
sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Sure, any place where significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers.  Milk is
illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name.
Its a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: Its called a Moose.  They are tall and very violent, eating the brains
of anyone walking close to them.  You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.