Having been suffering from a horrible sore throat and headaches and blocked nose for several days I was finally feeling quite well at about 9:30 this evening and decided I needed to get some fresh air and get out of my flat after a couple of days being cooped up indoors watching American Sitcoms.

So, I got into the car and headed out wherever the roads took me. On this pleasant evening in the Ile-De-France they took me into Paris. I found myself circling some of the péripherique, cruising along the Champs-Elysées and vaguely heading in the direction of Montmartre. There I was driving down a typically Parisian one way street with three lanes, reasonably busy traffic and I see a plastic water bottle in the road. With traffic either side and (predictably) a taxi right up my chuff I had no real option but to drive over it. No problem I thought, itll clear and go straight over.

Unfortunately it was that bit too big and got caught underneath the car between the front wheels, so at the first safe moment I got over to the bus lane at the side of the road and stopped. As it happened there were a pair of Paris finest wandering by who stopped to ask me (in English (obviously clocked the car)) what the matter was.

I explained that I had a bottle stuck beneath the car and needed to get it loose so I could continue my journey. I ducked down and had a look at what turned out to be the bottle jammed between the surface of the road and the sump guard under the engine. When I stood up from surveying the scene my keys fell from my pocket so I took a jaunty half-step back and picked them up.

It was now one of the officers asked me if I had been drinking. I told them that I hadnt and gave them a line that I was coming from Évry to visit a friend nearby to where I was stopped (thank God for knowing people there whose address I could give them that was valid so it didnt become apparent that I was driving about aimlessly).

They enquired if I had anything long enough to reach and hit it loose?! Remembering I had a golf umbrella in the boot in case of a rainy day I told them I had and opened the boot. It was at this point they and I were greeted by the opened crate of Strongbow that I had taken with me to Toulouse last weekend and not bothered to put back in my flat, along with three or four stray cans rolling about the boot. They questioned me again asking if I had been drinking, which I denied because I had not. There were no open cans in or around the car and none in the passenger compartment - merely a number of unopened cans in the boot that I had not taken back into my flat after driving back from Toulouse last weekend.

It was at this point that I was placed in handcuffs under suspicion of driving under the influence or the French equivalent. They called in a transport wagon because they were just foot patrol and could not breathalyse me due to lack of equipment. After 5-10 minutes of standing at the side of the road effectively under arrest with many people driving and walking by (quite embarrassing really) a van turned up with three more officers in. They uncuffed me so I could grab my documents (driving license, insurance, V5 etc.) from the car and hide my valuables before making me hand the keys over to one of them who got in and hared away. At this point I was quite concerned as to where and when I would next see my Mums car that she graciously let me borrow while my Yaris is being repaired in England.

Then I was re-cuffed, slung in the back of the police van and carted off to the local cop shop. Here I was taken out and glanced across to see my Mums car also here, which was quite relieving having had images of having to go on a wild goose chase to retrieve it. I was stripped of the contents of my pockets and put into a cell while they prepared the breathalyser for me. I bet they thought they were going to get me and have another English driver off their roads. Anyways about 20 minutes later I am taken from the cell to a room and go through the standard blow into the tube malarky and wait for the results to come back... Nothing. Not a drop. Oh how disappointed they looked.

Now they realised they hand no grounds for holding me they became surprisingly apologetic. I was quickly sent out to the waiting room where I sat for a few minutes before they asked for my ID and the like, processed the whole shebang, returned my belongings and keys, apologised profusely once more and sent me on my way.

And that, my friends, concludes my encounter with the police. Not particularly interesting for you but quite a scary experience - being handcuffed, a random French policeman driving off with your car, being taken away in a police van and put in a cell. Even though I knew all along I was totally innocent they manage to make you feel like scum and you end up questioning your innocence even though you have done zero wrong. Not something I wish to go through again any time soon that is for sure!!! All for dropping my keys and having a few un-opened tins of cider in the boot of my car...

Jaimz

Surely they can not do that? they should have done it there and then and can not temporary arrest you? Then to take you back the station with no grounds other then you have beer in your car is for a bit much and boredom. I know nothing much would make of it but you have grounds to make a complaint because as you said all you were doing was removing crap from under your car.

French law is different from UK law or that in New Zealand. In the UK you can be escorted to the police station and there asked to provide a sample specimen for testing, breath or blood. The odd thing here is they didnt ask him to do any of the simple tests for alcohol.

The reason Police cars usually carry the tester with them is time, the longer they detain you the more time they waste when they could be sleeping or eating doughnuts in their car, and it also means the alcohol is still being processed by your body, if you are close to the limit but above you might be below twenty minutes later at the station.

The bloke that actually knicked me was just a run of the mill street guy, wasnt in a car was a pair of foot patrol guys - just happened to pull over and stop to sort out the bottle by him. Think he got a little bit over-zealous tbh. Cant help but feel being English didnt help me out in this case. Oh well. Hadnt had a drop of alcohol in a week so knew I was fine.

Jaimz

Well afraid Im going to be very controversial here but hey ho...

From personal experience I have found the French police to be nothing but a bunch of bullying racist c**ts (heh pardon my French!). I understand the whole your in their country you obey their laws thing and thats fine (even if that never does apply to foreigners over here!) but that doesnt excuse their blatant racism when they realise your English, nor the fact that if we applied their protocols in our country wed have Brussels going mental in under five minutes. Its a shame its only ever us that seems to have to be accountable for things. French police act like its still the 1970s and if you watch some of the early Knightrider episodes when the corrupt police make their own laws up, youll get a good idea of how these bastards usually operate.  Only 4 months ago our driver got pulled for absolutely nothing and they pretty much made something up on the spot and fined him 70, no 90, no 120, then finally decided on 150 Euros on the spot.... If you think that ever got declared your an idiot.

For the record this isnt a racist issue - I have no problem with French people (well no more than the rest of the world lol!) but I really do hate their police with a passion. Once youve seen the joy in their faces when theyre breaking your balls youll know exactly what I mean. Jaimz - I can 100% understand when you say they looked really disappointed that they couldnt hold you. Glad you got away from them ok - now come home and appreciate some of the few good things about living in the UK like being able to go freely anywhere you want without having to explain yourself every 5 minutes.

Totally agree, France is SO corrupt it is untrue. Given one of the three key principles about everything France stands for is (allegedly) liberté there is so much Big Brothery going on you have no liberty in the slightest.

Jaimz

I dont know, I would say that a stumble and an open crate of cider with cans rolling around the boot would be close to reasonable cause. Obviously the whole situation would have been better if they had brought a breathalyser to the scene in the car which would allow you to get on your way there and then. I thinking cuffing you was a little extreme though. At least they apologised.

I think what is worse though is that you felt you had to make up a story to cover why you were driving around aimlessly. If you want to burn petrol just for the hell of it you shouldnt be made to feel guilty about it or have an excuse beyond "I was going for a drive".

Cest la vie.

Ive never been to france.... but Ive been breathalysed 4 times in england, once because Id been in an accident and they just had to make sure (I was kind of out of it at the time and kept offering them blood too so they could check Im not on any drugs.... but they didnt want any... even after i told them to pass me one of the needles from the other side of the room and Id take it out myself...)  and 3 times when Ive been on a night out (not drinking at all) and have been giving half a dozen drunk mates a lift home..... they were all pretty easy going / relaxed about it....