Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.
P:   Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:  Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P:   Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:  Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P:   Something loose in cockpit.
S:  Something tightened in cockpit.
P:   Dead bugs on windshield.
S:  Live bugs on back-order.
P:   Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S:  Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P:   Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:  Evidence removed.
P:   DME volume unbelievably loud.
S:  DME volume set to more believable level.
P:   Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:  That's what friction locks are for.
P:   IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S:  IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P:   Suspected crack in windshield.
S:  Suspect you're right.
P:   Number 3 engine missing.
S:  Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P:   Aircraft handles funny........... (I love this one!)
S:  Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P:   Target radar hums.
S:  Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P:   Mouse in cockpit.
S:  Cat installed.
And the best one for last...
P:   Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S:  Took hammer away from midget

ROFL

I approve. 

P:   Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:  Evidence removed.

I know some of the critters in Aus are a tad dangerous, but why do Quantas planes need a targeting radar?

these have been doing the rounds for years, they are still funny though!