A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when theres a woman half
getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus
and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing
as its Texas hes sent to the electric chair. On the day of his
execution hes sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes"
answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till hes eaten
it. When the mans finished, the executioner flips the switch sending
hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears
the man is still alive. The executioner cant believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "thats
never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke
is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The
executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up
to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the
executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says
the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his
banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the
switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas.
When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the
chair. The executioner cant believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once
again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair again. The
executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair,
determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"Whats your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man,
"Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The
executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin
included. The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go
through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive
without even a burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I dont understand how you
can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "Its
something to do with that green banana isnt it" he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke......


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"Im just a really bad conductor"

/me straps brummie into said chair.

ZZZzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzTTTT.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaannnn!

Why are the physics ones always the worst?



Atom 1: Help help help! Ive lost an electron!
Atom 2: Really, are you sure?
Atom 1: Yes, Im positive!

A long read for a bad pun

Im on a roll now, must add the rest of my collection:


Q: What goes "pieces of 7 pieces of 7"........ ?
A: A parroty error !

e^x went to a party for maths functions. He doesnt have many friends so he just sat in the corner all evening. After a while another function came over to him and said "Hey, why dont you integrate?"
e^x replied "It wouldnt make any difference"!

A Byte walks into a bar and orders a pint and a packet of pork scratchings.
The Bartender, seeing that he looks a bit down asks him: "Whats wrong?"
The Byte says "Parity error."
Bartender nods and says "Yeah, I thought you looked a bit off."

Jogging girl scout = Brownian motion.

A proton, neutron, and electron went out to dinner one night. After a luxurious meal, the waiter brought the check to the proton and the electron. The neutron was perplexed as to why the waiter didnt bring him his check. So, he summoned the waiter to the table and asked him about it.
The waiter explained to the neutron, "For you, theres no charge!"

Q: Two cats are sat on a sloping roof. Which one slides off first?
A: The one with the lowest mew!

Maths-pickup-line: "I wish I were your integral, so I could be in the area under your curves."

Have you heard about the programmer who drowned in the shower?
The instructions on his shampoo said, lather, rinse, repeat.

Absolute zero rules 0K

If youre not part of the solution, youre part of the precipitate.

What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"?
Answer: Natural log cabin + c = houseboat.

Sara I beg you stop please!!!!!!!   :mrgreen:

HAHAHA! I love those jokes, more more!

Thats all I got!

I like jokes like that too - they kind of give you a smug "clever bugger" feeling when you find them funny because you understand them

Anyone else got any?

/me feels the jokes whizzing above my head.

I dont understand a thing. Finished my math career with trig back when Bananaramas greatest hits was on the charts. :mrgreen:

Quote from: SaraI like jokes like that too - they kind of give you a smug "clever bugger" feeling when you find them funny because you understand them

Where as it scares me when I get them and makes me think that I need to get out more  :cry:

That said, Ill no doubt come out with one or two of them the next time I am down the pub *sigh*

Quote from: SaraThats all I got!

There is a God!    

Quote from: SaraQ: Two cats are sat on a sloping roof. Which one slides off first?
A: The one with the lowest mew!

Truly the geekiest one, it even takes (most) physics students a while to get that one funny though

lol