That was the topic of my final essay in this stupid course I have to do.
See if you like what I submitted.


How can humans find truth?

   When faced with the question of finding truth, one might be tempted to reply with the most obvious answer. Use the magic eight ball. However scientific investigations over many years have proven that the magic eight ball is not 100% reliable. I myself have fallen foul of this inauspicious of methods, when asking if I should ask my girlfriend to become my fiancé. The eight ball replied yes, but it turned out she was seeing someone else, so my belief in that system is now shattered.

   Therefore we must look elsewhere. Naturally, when faced with a difficult question we look to the sky. But Superman is not the answer (Indeed there is considerable debate if Superman really exists, but having seen Christopher Reeve at his best I am certain he does). However, Superman cannot help us for he himself seeks truth through the Fortress of Solitude. This pushes us further into despondence, for if Superman himself is seeking answers what hope do mere humans have?

   Perhaps in order to solve this conundrum we need to define what we mean by the truth. Well clearly we mean the opposite of the false. The false is a four piece from San Francisco, performing gangster rap and with a rather attractive bass player. What is the opposite of this? At first it is difficult to ascertain exactly the opposite of a rap troupe but simple logic provides the answer. As rap is clearly not music, we are looking for something musical. As rap also requires no talent, we are looking for something that is both talented and musical. The opposite of 4 on a die is 3. And preferably with an ugly bass player, ergo, we arrive at Cream. The original power trio; Jack Bruce, Ginger Baker and Eric Clapton, logically, are the truth.

   So now we have defined the truth we must continue to see how we find the truth. Well naturally one would begin on Google. I would be tempted to say we should google cream, but since Google is a trademark, we are unable to use it as a verb. Therefore we must be search for cream and the immediate answer is that cream is a dairy product. This is a fascination development for I always thought cream was grown in fields, as my mother always used to say I was the cream of the crop.

   Now dairy products are varied but extensive scientific investigation leads to one major group that is superior to all. That is a mystical substance, given the name, "Ice Cream". Interestingly, it has no ice, and sometimes is not even cream coloured. Experiments have yielded flavours such as "Chunky Monkey" and "Cherry Garcia" which are brown and red respectively.

   Further investigation revealed the source of these magically named products to be a small cult in a strange land called Vermont. Historically it was once the Republic of Vermont before being annexed by the United States in 1793. One wonders if they gave much resistance when the alternative would have been to become part of Quebec.

   I have undertaken, on behalf of mankind, a pilgrimage to this holy land of Vermont, and a small town in particular called Watertown. As a side note I often wonder why towns aim small by including town in their name, do they not habour hopes one day of becoming a city? Anyway, here one finds the source of this cream product and can see its very inception. The first time you view this fountain of knowledge it is similar to reading Genesis for the first time and having one's eyes opened to creation.

   I can say to the reader that my pilgrimage allowed me to find truth. I have discovered the meaning of life. I have lifted my being to another level of enlightenment. However I am bloody certain it was not worth a 10 hour round trip.

Is your course on writing comedy?

Possibly the best thing I have ever read on a forum,

Quotewhen asking if I should ask my girlfriend to become my fiancé. The eight ball replied yes, but it turned out she was seeing someone else, so my belief in that system is now shattered.

QuoteNow dairy products are varied but extensive scientific investigation leads to one major group that is superior to all. That is a mystical substance, given the name, "Ice Cream". Interestingly, it has no ice, and sometimes is not even cream coloured. Experiments have yielded flavours such as "Chunky Monkey" and "Cherry Garcia" which are brown and red respectively.

Obviously a lot of it is non-dairy, so isnt even cream. It does have ice in it though, except its mixed as it freezes so the crystals remain small.

When shown a test paper to write a letter of complaint about a product I asked if the person who created it if he minded me doing one. I produced a similar item.

a)You cannot spell harbour
B) thats the biggest load of waffle ever. You didnt answer the question you skirted around it everytime you touched on it.

But it does make you laugh.

Quote from: *she-devil*a)You cannot spell harbour
B) thats the biggest load of waffle ever. You didnt answer the question you skirted around it everytime you touched on it.

The question is waffle anyway, in most cases you cant find truth, only what others believe is the truth, which might not be. You cant even trust what you see with your own eyes an the ultimate truth is so completely hidden from us we can only guess.

Theres alot of serious faces here!

I personally laughed my head off throughout! Thought it was well written and very funny

Quote from: *she-devil*a)You cannot spell harbour
B) thats the biggest load of waffle ever. You didnt answer the question you skirted around it everytime you touched on it.

Its called comedy love.

Quote from: zpyderIs your course on writing comedy?

No it was a course on classics. Socrates, Bible, Koran, Galileo, that kind of thing. But the prof said write something interesting for that final paper. He doesnt care about the class, hes leaving the school.

raised a smile especially the bit about the magic 8-ball