1. Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

2. She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."

3. Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

4. Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

5. Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cows body.

6. Your cow demands to be branded with the "Golden Arches Logo".

7. Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

8. Your cow thought Frank Bruno would beat Mike Tyson.

9. You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

10.Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.

11.She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

12.Your cow joins the Hells Angels because, hey, its already got a cool leather jacket.

13.Your cow gets a job at the Beef Marketing Board.

14.Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.

15.Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.

16.Your cow seems to actually enjoy being "Hog-tied".

17. Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if youll wear something sexy this time.

18.Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells out "Bulleye"!

19.Your cow starts smoking the cowlick.

20.Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".

21.Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.