Taliban TV Times
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Only available on Sky Digitaliban
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6.00 G-Had TV. Morning prayers.
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8.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher.
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9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.
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11.00 Jihads Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
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12.00 Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects.
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12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over the world.
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13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some cooking.
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14.00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas.
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14.30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed.
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15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions.Starter for ten, no praying.
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15.30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophets entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
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16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders.
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17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
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17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour.
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18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
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18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running?
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19.00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go inshallah, or ask the Islamic council?
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20.00 FILM: Shariahs Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
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21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week?
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22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel.
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23.30 They think its Allah over. Quiz culminating in the dont feel the Mullah round.
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0.00 When Imams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot.
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12.30 a.m. The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories.
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1.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
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2.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.