Buying a ticket:

1. Know thy price. Look it up on the interweb and print it out so you can argue when they try to charge you more.

2. Dont ask for a std return or an open return. Ask for a cheap day return or saver return, the latter is valid for a month and the only restriction is you cant travel before 9am. This saves lotsa money and they wont tell you about it unless you ask.

3. Dont buy a 1st class ticket, just go sit in 1st class and wait to be kicked out, but point out the lack of seats in std carriages and you may get a nice ticket dude who lets you stay.



Getting a seat:

1. You gotta be the first person to get on the train or youre stuffed. Stand up by the yellow line and watch the train come into the platform and look for the least packed carriage, and aim for it. Kick and punch through any other people who may be waiting.

2. If youre at the very first stop of the train, e.g. London Waterloo, watch the boards and as soon as the platform comes up on the boards peg it down to the right platform. Also, you can ask station staff which platform itll be at, sometimes they will be able to give you inside information.



Maintaining your personal space:

So youre first on the train and have a seat but you wanna avoid having someone smelly sit next to you.

1. Sit facing backwards.

2. Get a mp3 (or cd) player and listen to loud music. A pair of headphones on their own can also create the right illusion.

3. Mobile phone. Make it loud and have people ring you and hang up every 30secs and ring you again to continue the conversation.

4. Have a can of Tenants Super or Carling Special Brew.



Getting to your destination:

1. Know thy route and be aware of alternate routes in case a train gets really delayed.

2. Know thy exit strategy, if youre going somewhere you havent been before have a map and a selection of taxi numbers on your phone. If you get lost on foot there are route planners you can get on GPRS/WAP phones.

3. If youre going late at night and your 1st train is so delayed that you miss your connection (which would have been the very last train of the night), bitch at the station staff and demand a taxi.

Dont know about in England but in Wales train stations typically have "2 car stop" "3 car stop" "4 car stop" signs suspended from the roof. These seem to be more used for train drivers than passengers so may be hidden behind signs, or higher up in the roof.

If you position yourself approximately 2 foot to the left of such a sign, you should be bang in front of a door (depending on type of train). Remember that being by a button is not the best place. Youll end up opening the door, and have other people who are in front of the door push in ahead of you. Dont worry about getting to the button, concentrate on getting in front of that doorway.

Additionally, patterns of wear in the yellow/blue lines can also indicate common "door points". Failing that if its a regularly used route, take the time to mark the typical door point for your train be it with chewing gum stamped onto the floor, or by remembering the number of paving slabs it is away from the "# car stop" sign.

If you want space on a train just talk to yourself or have a "phone conversation" loudly being very crude and swearing a lot. Works a treat.

Jaimz

Why are you carrying a heavy coat in the summer?!

Jaimz

The tube is the worst. Mid july, 5pm on the central line. omg its nasty.

Jaimz

When going to the crasher I spent a few hours at luton parkway (nowhere land) talking to a guy in the ticket letout,
he was really helpful giving me alternate routes and telling me to take an earlier train because of delays and giving me the low price alternatives.

Quote from: Jaimz

Why are you carrying a heavy coat in the summer?!

Jaimz

I used to do the same thing until someone, soaked in sweat even though they were wearing just an open collared short-sleeved shirt and trousers, asked me why I had a thick overcoat on inside... :whoops:

I hadnt even noticed how warm it was and removed the coat for them :mutley:

lol, its a bit difficult to remove a coat when your trying to fit into the smallest space possible and sharing that space with 70 other people. No room to manouver.. if its on when you get on... it stays on.

One thing I noticed today and forgot to post about. Most people being right handed will lean to the right. Meaning that...

If you stand to the left of a right handed person they are more likely to turn, and give you right of way when crowding for a train.

If you find yourself there too late to get a decent position in the pack by a door position, head to the left, not the right... not tight to the train but about a person or 2 in. Youll find yourself onboard faster than those who did the same but to the right hand side of the door.

Ive never had a bad time taking the train to bham from nuneaton, allways on time for me.  Same for coventry all the local stations serviced by central trains.  

Though at rush hour it is a b***h as there are only 2 carriges on the Bham to leicster (via nuneaton) service and vice versa.  You need to get on quick.

I find the service is worse down south.  I remember my journey coming back from portsmouth from an interview very well.