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Q1. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.
Q2. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesnt?
A. A navel.
Q3. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it wont call you a week later.
Q4. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didnt want anyone telling him how to make Adam.
Q5. What is a lesbians favorite thing to eat?
A. A Klondike Bar
Q6. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you breath through something so small?"
Q7. Why dont women wear watches?
A. Theres a clock on the stove!
Q8. What doesnt belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you cant beat a blowjob.
Q9. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
Q10. Whats worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.
Q11. What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q12. Whats the difference between a wife and a wheelie bin?
A. You only have to take out a wheelie bin once a week.
Q13. What did the two lesbian frogs say to each other?
A. WE DO TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
Q14. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking shes going to eat me.
Q15. What would happen if the Pilgrims had killed cats instead of turkeys?
A. Wed eat pussy every Thanksgiving.
Q16. Whats the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesnt last forever.
Q17. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.
Q. A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didnt report it.
A. The thief was spending less then his wife.
Q18. Why do women have small feet?
A. So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q19. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.
Q20. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.
Q21. Whats the difference between a man and ET?
A. ET phoned home.
Q22. Why havent they sent a woman to the moon yet?
A. It doesnt need cleaning.
Q23. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
A. Because women wouldnt do them if they were called c**t scrapes.
Q24. Whats the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You dont have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!
Q25. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.
Q26. Whats the difference between a 40 year-old man, and a 40 year-old woman?
A. A 40 year-old woman dreams of having children, a 40 year-old man dreams of dating them.
Q27. Whats white, smells, and can be found in panties?
A. Clitty litter
Q28. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didnt know her first name was "Always."
Q29. Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
A. When its time to go back to his childhood, hes already there.
Q30. How do you know when your cats done cleaning himself?
A. Hes smoking a cigarette.
Q31. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
A. He worked it out with a pencil.
Q32. Whos the worlds greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.
Q33. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women dont get blow jobs while theyre driving
Q34. Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A. Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q35. Three words to ruin a mans ego...
A. "Is it in?"
Q36. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Q37. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count?
A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
Q38. Whats in the toilet of the star ship enterprise?
A. The captains log.
Q39. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.
Q40. What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A. A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
Q41. Did you hear they came out with a new lesbian shoe?
A. Theyre called Dikes. They have an extra long tongue and only take one finger to get off!
Q42. Whats the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.
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This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
/hands kinky bad joke achievement of the month award...
:P
QuoteQ36. What is the cheapest meat?
A. Deer balls, there under a buck.
Its still deer meat!