Lexiphiles (i.e."lovers of words" you know . . . .
             
            like: you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish . . .
             
            or: I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger . . . .. then it hit me . . . .etc.).   
             
            Well, here we go ...
             
            To write with a broken pencil is . . . pointless.

            When fish are in schools they sometimes . . . take debate.

            A thief who stole a calendar . . . got twelve months.

            When the smog lifts in Los Angeles . . . U.C.L.A.

            The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes . . . was on shaky
            ground.

            The batteries were given out . . . free of charge.

            A dentist and a manicurist married . . . they fought tooth and nail.

            A will is a . . . dead giveaway.

            If you don't pay your exorcist . . . you can get repossessed.

            With her marriage, she got a new name . . . and a dress.

            You are stuck with your debt if . . . you can't budge it.

            Local Area Network in Australia: . . . The LAN down under.

            A boiled egg is . . . hard to beat.

            When you've seen one shopping center . . . you've seen a mall.

            Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was . . . resisting a
            rest.

            Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He's all right
            now.

            If you take a laptop computer for a run you could . . . jog your memory.

            A bicycle can't stand alone . . . it is two tired.

            When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

            The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was . . . fully recovered.

            He had a photographic memory . . . which was never developed.

            Those who get too big for their britches will be . . . exposed in the end.

            When she saw her first strands of gray hair . . . she thought she'd dye.

            Acupuncture . . . a jab well done.