Quote from: UsenetI OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
 "If youre going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION .
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL . .
"If you dont straighten up, Im going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC .
" Because I said so, thats why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, youre not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT .
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case youre in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY .
"Keep crying, and Ill give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA .
 "Youll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER .
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, Ive told you a million times. Dont exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who dont
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you dont stop ! crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck
that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; dont you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, dont come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you dont eat your vegetables, youll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"Youre just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"
Italian mother version: "Shut that door! Do you think you were born at
the Colosseum?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM .
"When you get to be my age, youll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day youll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"