Care to go upstairs?



  A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what were about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, well have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, Have you left the washing machine door open instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I dont suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

Thats good

The Irish Wedding



  A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the brides and grooms families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the sh*t out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, Silence in court!

The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.

The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.

The judge says, OK.

Well, said Paddy, after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.

Shocked, the judge instantly responded, God, that must have hurt!

Hurt? Paddy replies. He broke three of my fingers!

Little Johnny at School.



  The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Todays word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, its your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said...
Beautiful, just fin BEATUIFUL! "

Don`t have a dumb name


  Once there was a little boy name Jonny Humpharder. There was a little girl that lived down the street, and her mother always told her not to go his Jonny house or yard. So one day Johnny asks the little girl to come in his yard to play she says, "my mom said I cant." Then he says Ill give you a cookie she says ok. Then he says let go in my house she says my mom says I cant he says Ill give you TWO cookies she says ok. Then he says to her lets go in my room she says my mom said I cant he says Ill give you THREE cookies she says ok. Then Jonnys mom comes home and says, "Jonny Humpharder, Johnny Humpharder," he says "I AM, I AM." The end (I hope you think it was funny because I do)  

Quote from: kinkybiatch(I hope you think it was funny because I do)  

Horribly predictable though...

Wedding one was very good!