Duck walks into a pub and orders a schooner of beer and a ham
sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"But youre a duck".

"I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working", says the duck,

"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly", says the barman, "sorry
about that, its just we dont get many ducks in this pub. What are
You
doing round this way?".

"Im working on the building site across the road", explains the duck.

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The
Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub And the barman says to
him,

"Youre with the circus arent you?, I know this duck that would be
just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".

"Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call".

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,

"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really
good money!"

"Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus", says the barman.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"Thats right", replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again.

"Yes" says the barman

"That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.

"Yeah" the barman replies.

"With all the animals?" the duck questioned.

"Of Course" the barman replies.

"With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the
duck.

"Thats right!" says the barman.

The duck looks confused........








"What the hell would they want with a plasterer?

and i was expecting

a duck waddles into a bar, goes up to the barman and asks: "got any bread?"
Barman: No, sorry, we only sell drinks here.
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No, like I said, all we have is beer.
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: No, I told you, WE ONLY HAVE BEER.
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: FOR FORKS SAKE, WE ONLY HAVE BEER AND IF YOU ASK ME FOR BREAD ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO NAIL YOUR FORKING BEAK TO THE COUNTER!!
Duck: Got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: Got any bread?

The barman pulled out some tacks and a hammer and nailed the ducks beak to the bar.

Nice one knighty

LMAO @ both !!