Author Topic: Jess dating my mate. (Read 5811 times)

SteveF · **Reply #15 on:** January 26, 2008, 19:00:19 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #15 on: January 26, 2008, 19:00:19 PM

simple - you dont let stuff evolve with friends exs. Not counting the day to day girlfriends but if someones been in a serious relationship with someone then theyre instantly off limits. Too many hassles come from it.

Its just the way my mates work. You guys are free to do as you please.

As for why not to do it I think the answers fairly self explanatory. Its shockingly rude for starters. Seen it happen a couple of times and it frigs with peoples heads when their mates are sleeping with their exs. And tbh these sort of situations only occur if you kick around in a tiny group of people. The phrase theres plenty more fish in the sea is true - theres billions of other women out there so why on earth are would you pick one that meant something special to your mate.

Clock'd 0Ne · **Reply #16 on:** January 26, 2008, 19:05:43 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #16 on: January 26, 2008, 19:05:43 PM

They might mean something more to you or indeed be a better match/soulmates even.

There are far more important things in life than worrying about things like that, it would be better to focus on moving on yourself and not dwell on it if such a scenario arises. Live and let live.

SteveF · **Reply #17 on:** January 26, 2008, 19:20:43 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #17 on: January 26, 2008, 19:20:43 PM

they sound like the words of someone whos done it to a friend... At the very least you have to admit there should be a decent grace period. And Im not talking about the next week.

knighty · **Reply #18 on:** January 26, 2008, 19:44:04 PM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #18 on: January 26, 2008, 19:44:04 PM

I had a mate who asked me if he could ask out a serious ex of mine and I told him to go for it... even put in a (subtle) good word for him... (he got the just good friends bit)

even went out once after aranging something with a mate and his g/f (arranged via text with her) to get there and find out it was just me and her :s
(tho i talked about him the hole time, saying what a great guy he is etc... then i acted like a prat a bit (a bit too forward with the rude jokes....) 3 days later and they were back togeter

and.... I asked a mate if i could ask out his 6.. theyde been broken up for 6 months and hadnt seen each other etc... he said go for it, so i did... went out with her for 3 years... but it cost me all my mates after my mate changed his mind and slagged me off

anyway....

just thought of another point privateer, you can be a dick to him, and hell (mostly) put up with it because hes a mate !

Privateer · **Reply #19 on:** January 26, 2008, 20:07:33 PM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #19 on: January 26, 2008, 20:07:33 PM

Quote from: knighty

I had a mate who asked me if he could ask out a serious ex of mine and I told him to go for it... even put in a (subtle) good word for him... (he got the just good friends bit)

even went out once after aranging something with a mate and his g/f (arranged via text with her) to get there and find out it was just me and her :s
(tho i talked about him the hole time, saying what a great guy he is etc... then i acted like a prat a bit (a bit too forward with the rude jokes....) 3 days later and they were back togeter

and.... I asked a mate if i could ask out his 6.. theyde been broken up for 6 months and hadnt seen each other etc... he said go for it, so i did... went out with her for 3 years... but it cost me all my mates after my mate changed his mind and slagged me off

anyway....

just thought of another point privateer, you can be a dick to him, and hell (mostly) put up with it because hes a mate !

Thats the key, if Andy asked me first, id probably be different about it.

SteveF · **Reply #20 on:** January 26, 2008, 21:11:18 PM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #20 on: January 26, 2008, 21:11:18 PM

Again Im suprized by you guys. Id seriously kick my mates ass if one of them started dating a serious ex of mine. I dont care about the ones that lasted a month or so but the long term ones would piss me off. I wouldnt care if they asked permission first because they shouldnt put you on the spot by asking in the first place. After a year or so fair enough they should do as they please but that would still need a serious conversation first.

If I did it to someone Id totally understand them being pissed at me and not blame any friends of friends for being pissed off at me too. Im not going to deny its tempting sometimes but I wouldnt do it.

First loves, engaged or lived together should be off limits for life

Eggtastico · **Reply #21 on:** January 26, 2008, 21:26:07 PM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #21 on: January 26, 2008, 21:26:07 PM

Quote from: SteveF

Again Im suprized by you guys. Id seriously kick my mates ass if one of them started dating a serious ex of mine. I dont care about the ones that lasted a month or so but the long term ones would piss me off. I wouldnt care if they asked permission first because they shouldnt put you on the spot by asking in the first place. After a year or so fair enough they should do as they please but that would still need a serious conversation first.

If I did it to someone Id totally understand them being pissed at me and not blame any friends of friends for being pissed off at me too. Im not going to deny its tempting sometimes but I wouldnt do it.

First loves, engaged or lived together should be off limits for life

I dunno.. you cant really say that in 4 or 5 years time, especially if you have moved on & got engaged again or moved in with someone else.
Obviously it depends on why there was a breakup.

I couldnt/wouldnt want to go somwhere where my best mates have been. Obviously in small towns you do know who the former realationships was with, but you do have to draw the line somwhere.

SteveF · **Reply #22 on:** January 26, 2008, 21:41:14 PM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #22 on: January 26, 2008, 21:41:14 PM

Quote from: Eggtastico

I dunno.. you cant really say that in 4 or 5 years time, especially if you have moved on & got engaged again or moved in with someone else.
Obviously it depends on why there was a breakup.

Maybe never is overstating it. But first loves, engaged, married, living together properly is like another level of relationship. Youd have to have a damn good reason for how/why the relationship grew over those years. Personally I dont think I ever would but youre right, never maybe over stating it. Id not be bothered after a couple of years Im sure but wouldnt personally do it to a mate even after years. Its just set to wrong on my moral compass I think.

Quote

I couldnt/wouldnt want to go somwhere where my best mates have been. Obviously in small towns you do know who the former realationships was with, but you do have to draw the line somwhere.

You can tell which girls meant something to your mates and those that were just randoms. I wouldnt want to be mates with someone whod cross that line with one of the ones who meant something to me. But everyones different I guess and has different friendships.

Anyway I feel for you Privateer and as nice a guy as youre saying your mate is I think hes a c**t.

Privateer · **Reply #23 on:** January 26, 2008, 22:06:21 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #23 on: January 26, 2008, 22:06:21 PM

Quote

Anyway I feel for you Privateer and as nice a guy as youre saying your mate is I think hes a c**t.

I love my kids and they are good company, I have them now, Im a convenient babysitter, Theyre out now.

Pete · **Reply #24 on:** January 26, 2008, 22:24:02 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #24 on: January 26, 2008, 22:24:02 PM

I totally agree with Steve2, sort of, but I can see where the rest of you are coming with. Exs are off-limits in my circle of friends (basically anything over random club bird is a no-no) but if she was the mother of my kids I reckon itd be different. Id rather she go out with a mate who I know is cool and aint gonna beat her up or mess with the kids than have here go out with some random dude from the pub.

knighty · **Reply #25 on:** January 26, 2008, 22:27:17 PM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #25 on: January 26, 2008, 22:27:17 PM

oh im not really trying to defend the guy... adding onto the serious girls who ment something... its a totaly different story again when you have 2 kids together !

Im just trying to look in the brighter side of it... sometimes life gives you the s**tty send of the stick and you just have to take it.... so you might as well smile

Rivkid · **Reply #26 on:** January 26, 2008, 23:35:23 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #26 on: January 26, 2008, 23:35:23 PM

SteveF - your bob on sir. The guys a worm. If there was a couple of years passed and everyone was in a good place you might be able to ask permission. Otherwise stricty off limits.

Also I hope I dont offend when I say she must be a complete cow to do that. Im all for moving on but with his mate is just ridiculous. I dont buy into this soul mates crap (sorry Nige!) relationships once past the initial attraction stage are forged through respect and trust, and frankly doing what theyre doing they are only proving to each other that neither has these qualities.

Privateer you have my sympathies (not often you get much on these boards is it?

)

Privateer · **Reply #27 on:** January 26, 2008, 23:55:24 PM

Re:Jess dating my mate.

Reply #27 on: January 26, 2008, 23:55:24 PM

Quote from: Rivkid

SteveF - your bob on sir. The guys a worm. If there was a couple of years passed and everyone was in a good place you might be able to ask permission. Otherwise stricty off limits.

Also I hope I dont offend when I say she must be a complete cow to do that. Im all for moving on but with his mate is just ridiculous. I dont buy into this soul mates crap (sorry Nige!) relationships once past the initial attraction stage are forged through respect and trust, and frankly doing what theyre doing they are only proving to each other that neither has these qualities.

Privateer you have my sympathies (not often you get much on these boards is it? )

I deserve reactions on some posts, but this time its not my fault,

knighty · **Reply #28 on:** January 27, 2008, 01:24:14 AM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #28 on: January 27, 2008, 01:24:14 AM

the thing is... if you start getting angry/worked up about about it etc... then youre pretty much screwed.... theres nothing you can do about it now, and anything you do, or if you start to feel bitter, youll just drive them all away from you (your kids included)

youre much better off making the best of it and accepting him in asif youd chosen him yourself !

SteveF · **Reply #29 on:** January 27, 2008, 01:32:55 AM

Jess dating my mate.

Reply #29 on: January 27, 2008, 01:32:55 AM

Quote from: knighty

the thing is... if you start getting angry/worked up about about it etc... then youre pretty much screwed.... theres nothing you can do about it now, and anything you do, or if you start to feel bitter, youll just drive them all away from you (your kids included)

youre much better off making the best of it and accepting him in asif youd chosen him yourself !

Oh he has to accept it as its happened. Thats obvious.

But people were speaking as if going out with peoples exs is an acceptable way for his mate to behave. Read the first few posts (yours included). Youre basically saying someone going out with their mates ex girlfriends is ok...

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Author Topic: Jess dating my mate. (Read 5811 times)